i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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