This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
