Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
