why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
