My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize