I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
