the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
