wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
