so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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