If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
