you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
