I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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