I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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