I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
