Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
