you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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