and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize