I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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