your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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