Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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