Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
