This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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