I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
