How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
