Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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