New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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