If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
