Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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