If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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