The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
