You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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