so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
