Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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