she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
