You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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