Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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