i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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