Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
