guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
