my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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