I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
