The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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