pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
