it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
