Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
