Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
