You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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