tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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