She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
