I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
