I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
