you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
