I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please come you make the beer taste better
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
