we have officially lost it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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