Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
