i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
