In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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