We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
