Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
