Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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