So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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